TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
