ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
