you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
