I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
