I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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