True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
