Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
