Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
