You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
