I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
