According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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