just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
