Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
