my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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