My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I touched a dick in church today
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
