Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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