Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
