Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
