sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
