just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
this hospital has no fireball
i need some magic done to my vagina
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
