My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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