I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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