Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I could fuck to npr.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
