why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
