I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
