Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
