Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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