I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
