She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize