Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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