If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm at about main and main street
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
