i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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