Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
