...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
