in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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