I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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