Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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