I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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