Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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