He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
