is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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