Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it hurts more in the daytime
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
