Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
