hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
