Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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