hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
