Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
