I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
