if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
