2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
