Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
