i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
