is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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