I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ate ashes out of my bong
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
