If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
