Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
