How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
