Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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