Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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