i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
