I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
