I just threw up on my dentist
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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