i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
