WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
