I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
