Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
