i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
