the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
