she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
