she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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