If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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