That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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