Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
